she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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