she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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