6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
