Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
