i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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