i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
