sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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