Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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