Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
