My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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