Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
