I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
