i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
