Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
