She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
