I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
