don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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