i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
