If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
