I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
