I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
