Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
