I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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