dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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