It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
