He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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