I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
