trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
