while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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