I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my liver is dry heaving
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
