and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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