my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
