there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
