My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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