Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
