i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
