I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
