White coat. Heels.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
