i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
