im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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