You can't motorboat a personality
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
