Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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