I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
