I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
