He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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