so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
