Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
