guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
