Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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