why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
