Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
