sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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