This is not my ceiling
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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