wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
