I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
